Sven's ex breaks her silence - and just look how busy she's been
High50.com, the website that "believes old is good", is a curious business. Visitors to its home page are currently greeted with a blurred photograph of the late Princess Diana, an image that seems largely suggestive of a) failing eyesight and b) death. Not necessarily the first messages Lost in Showbiz would have thought a website looking to attract the more mature reader might want to send out, but perhaps we should look beyond them. And focus instead on High50.com's contribution to the greater good of humanity: it appears to have appointed Nancy Dell'Olio as its brand ambassador.
Lost in Showbiz can barely contain its excitement. For too long, Dell'Olio has been silent, thus depriving the world of the precious drops of philosophy that fall from her lips like molten gold: "Deciding what to wear and putting on makeup is stressful"; "It is better to have a walk-in wardrobe than a guest room ? just put your guests up in a nice hotel nearby instead." Or, "The best way to save money is by continuing to spend your money ? why not shop for personal pleasure and feel satisfied about the good you're doing society?" "There has not been any other woman for a minute in Sven's mind" etc. What news of her projected move into politics ("Ah, politics ? one of my old passions! I am not Italian for nothing!") or her plans to establish a Nato base in Jerusalem ("an interesting idea")? And indeed, what news of her project Truce International, which she last year claimed was her "lasting legacy . . . a simple but effective idea", in the teeth of the fact that what appears to be its second and final newsletter appeared in 2006.
Hither and yon she has gone on High50.com's behalf in the past week, permitting us all a glimpse into the brain of the self-styled "very loved person". "Women and men, they both love me and this is because I am the kindest person I know." My, but it's crowded in there. "I don't know anyone who does as much as I do," she says. "I wish one day there'll be a movie about how I spend my day because it is quite intense." Lost in Showbiz pays no heed to those who cruelly suggest a film about how Nancy Dell'Olio spends her day will constitute one of the great celluloid mysteries, like the contents of the briefcase in Pulp Fiction or what happened in Last Year at Marienbad. Namely, that it'll be "intense" largely in the sense that Picnic at Hanging Rock was "intense", ie audiences stagger from the cinema none the wiser than when they went in. Instead it invites you to examine the perfectly straightforward evidence presented in her recent press appearances. "I hated people closing me in a box. I live my life living outside boxes. I don't like closing anyone in a box." So there's your first clue: she's definitely not an undertaker.
In fact, she reveals herself to not only be a lawyer, a lobbyist, a travel writer, a food writer, a television producer and a novelist currently dedicated to improving the woefully deficient work of Tolstoy ("I think in my life I've really vindicated Anna Karenina ? Tolstoy was 19th-century, so she had to die"), but someone who bravely "dedicates a lot of time to cleansing and moisturising". Indeed, her makeup regime is such that it's hard to see how she finds time to attend to sorting out Tolstoy, although we must clearly pray she does, for the benefit of the multitudes who finished Anna Karenina, and sighed "Dostoevsky may have considered that a flawless work of art, but Dostoevsky hadn't read Nancy Dell'Olio's My Beautiful Game, most specifically the bit where she compares herself to Guinevere and Sven Goran Eriksson to Sir Lancelot."
She rises early ? "I am gifted to not need a lot of sleep" ? and "does a little breakfast", two herculean tasks which understandably exhaust her so much, she needs to take the rest of the morning off "to allow me time to wake up properly". Thus rested, at 11.30am she "goes over things" ? this is presumably the part of the day into which all that lobbying, law practice, food and travel writing, television production and improving Tolstoy is crammed ? before heading off to lunch at The Ivy or Claridge's. This understandably exhausts her so much that she takes the afternoon off ? "I read the papers, have my acupuncture" ? before going out to dinner with her new companion Trevor Nunn, who has understandably described her as "the most intelligent person he's ever met". "I do know Shakespeare very well," she adds, which comes as no surprise to those of us who've read her piece for High50.com, where she says: "I was always confident change would come, but when you're in the middle of the tempest . . . Talking of tempests, I consider The Tempest, which of course is about magic, to be one of Shakespeare's best plays."
One can only nod, and meekly suggest Miss Dell'Olio add "literary critic" to her already bulging list of parallel careers. "I know I'm fascinating," she concludes, which presumably explains why Lost in Showbiz finds itself staring at her interviews, transfixed, its eyes crossing like Nookie Bear's.
Marina Hyde is away
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