Going on the road is fun, but if you're the support band you need to know your place ? and where the nearest Marks & Spencer is
We've just returned from tour, three weeks of sweaty vans, service stations and soundchecks. Touring is always chock full of highs and lows, and you can feel pretty lonely despite being surrounded by your best friends. In fact the first thing I did upon stumbling back into my flat was run to the bathroom so I could look at my face in the mirror and see if I'd changed. "Am I a grownup now?" Err, no. If anything I looked more like a teenager ? greasy and covered in spots.
We were supporting a brilliant and much-loved band, and it was a joy to be able to watch them every single night from the side of the stage, feeling the anticipation, the misplaced excitement as the crowd accidentally cheers a roadie, the rush of adrenaline as an entire crowd sings their lyrics perfectly and the thrill of "more" being screamed at them by giggly girls.
Being the support band on a big tour you must know your place, or else you run the risk of being fired on day one. With that in mind I thought I'd put together an advisery checklist.
1. Always remember that this is their tour
It can be easy to get carried away and start thinking you're owed something, that you should be getting the perks too. You're wrong. You're lucky to be there. Don't expect a dressing room, or a rider, or a buy out, or on occasion even a soundcheck. This is their gig, so deal with it.
2. Marks & Spencer service stations
Sure you can choose to live on Cornish pasties and Big Macs but sooner or later you're going to wake up surrounded by grease-stained paper bags, your jeans sticky with Fanta and a serious case of sugar-induced mood swings. Thank God then for M&S. They saw our demand and they supplied. I strongly recommend the falafel wrap ? healthy and tasty!
3. You're not there to make friends
People in bands are generally good people, but you can forget any ideas you might have had about the main act wondering into your dressing room and saying, "Hey fellas, want to come to our tour bus, eat our Pringles and use the free wi-fi?" This won't happen because a) you won't have a dressing room (see point 1) and b) these people have lives. It's like the rule of the playground, when you're a first year you think "when I'm older I'll be really nice to the kids in the years below" then you get older and you think "oh man why isn't Claire Wrigley going out with me?! Huh? First years what?"
4. You bend to their production whim
Most big bands have production managers, who take care of the aesthetic of the live show and are in charge of the technical crew. After the tour manager these people have probably the most stressful job when it comes to touring. So if you amble over and say "yeah, hi, Gary, we were thinking of having lasers and our lead singer tends to hang off the lighting rig and smash up the drums, is that cool?" Gary will not be impressed. Even if you've brought the lasers yourself.
5. Clean the rubbish out of your van
This is a good lesson for touring regardless of where you are on the lineup. Hell, this is a good lesson for life.
6. Sing the main act's praises
It always helps to say how wonderful you think the main act are, and how thrilled you are to be supporting them. Hopefully you won't be lying. Then you can get on with the task of hanging off the rigging, busting up the amps, firing lasers into the crowd and whining about the lack of Cornish pasties in your non-existent dressing room.
chelsea handler and ted harbert halle berry and gabriel aubry charlize theron and stuart townsend susan sarandon and tim robbins jake pavelka and vienna girardi
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